Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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