i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
