We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
