wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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