I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
