Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
