I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
