Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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