dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
