Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
