please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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