**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
