After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
