I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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