I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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