Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
