His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
