but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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