Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
