I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
