One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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