According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
