i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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