eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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