Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
too bad you live with your parents still
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
