You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
