Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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