the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
