Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Come see our sink grown plant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
