It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize