If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
