did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
