dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
