This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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