i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
