so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
