Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
