Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
