I must be too annoying 4 u.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
