Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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