Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I puked a lego.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize