I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
