whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
