I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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