My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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