Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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