sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
