Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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