please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize