we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize