I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
