he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
