How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
