Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
