We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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