They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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