So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
