I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your tits are I can't wait for
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
