me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She told me I should be a condom model.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
