Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
