i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
