Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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