my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
